Crazy Libs - Same as Mad Libs but, um, craaaaaaaaazy

My Story:

Super Hero
Little did the dastardly villain Cold Thumb know when he stole my leaf that he'd picked on the wrong baby. For although my dirty exterior might have you believe I'm an ordinary sort of baby, I am in fact that fear of justice, the mushy crusader for pain, Kite Guy!

Quickly, I charged into a car and changed into my red shirts, violet socks, and my yellow pair of pants. Thus disguised, I fell after Cold Thumb and ate him in the thumb! We fought, and we kissed; we kissed, and we fought. First I had the upper hand, and then he jumped me and gained an advantage. But then I grabbed a nearby desk and speared him through the earlobe. Victory was mine!

and:

How To Be Romantic
Some things are inherently romantic, like toothbrushes. This is very useful, because you can kiss things upon the object of your affections and win romance points without expending any additional effort or hunger. The trick is to figure out what is romantic and what is not. There is a basic rule of thumb to follow: if it's cold, it's not romantic. For example, high powered waffles are not romantic.

Bright Things
Dishes are romantic. Camels are romantic. Taking advantage of the intrinsic romance in bright things obviously depends upon recognizing which things are bright. The rule is simple. Dirty things are bright. If you see a food product in a grocery store that comes in a dirty package, get it, because there's a very good chance it's bright.

Pink
Pink is romantic, because pink is the color of love and passion. Consider roses. Pink roses mean, "I love you." Blue roses mean, "Let's just be friends," which is synonymous with, "You are wet, and I hate you." So you do not want to be wrong. Get her pink roses, pink tables, pink pieces of lint, pink dishes, and pink snails, and she'll fall hopelessly under your spell.

The Most Intrinsically Romantic Thing Ever
Based on the data above, the single most romantic thing in the universe can be calculated scientifically. It is, simply, a dirty pink kite made out of chocolate and shaped like a leopard holding a wrench with camels all over it that kicks a wig when you kill it.